It can be hard enough for full-grown adults to process all the news about the war in the Middle East. When we consider what it must be like for young people, we need to take a moment to think about how we can help them cope.
It can be hard enough for full-grown adults to process all the news about the war in the Middle East. When we consider what it must be like for young people, we need to take a moment to think about how we can help them cope. We need to prepare them and guide them on how to handle big feelings that they may not have felt before. This personal piece from writer Kara Baskin, originally published at the start of the Russian-Ukrainian conflict, offers practical and thoughtful advice on how to help your children ease their stress.
As a mom living in the relative safety of suburban Boston, I have the privilege of shielding my fifth-grader from the daily news if I choose to. But I also think I have the obligation to broaden his worldview beyond Minecraft.
That said, when I tried to talk to him about the Russian-Ukrainian conflict and show him a few photos, I felt like I made a big mistake. He became worried. He wondered if we would get attacked. He didn’t understand why a girl his age would be huddled in a shelter underground when she should be in school. He has a natural capacity for empathy, but he wasn’t sophisticated enough (or worldly enough) to process the news and separate himself from the fear.
Last night, he dissolved into tears during bedtime, saying he hated everything. It all hit him at once. He was afraid of the world getting more dangerous. He was tired of feeling worried. If your kids are in the same boat, and given the current reality, who wouldn’t be, here are ways to de-escalate their stress.
Before introducing information that might be new or scary, ask children questions that will help you glimpse their mindset. “What are kids at school talking about? What have you heard?” Your child might not know about the conflict at all, or they might have picked up rumors from friends. (My son had heard there was a fallout shelter at his school due to a leftover sign from the 1950s.) Then you can tailor information to their level of understanding.
Most kids don’t say “I’m stressed!” They share it the way my son did, through unexpected outbursts or subtle mood shifts. Children respond to stress in a number of ways, including irritability, moodiness, and clinginess. Eating or sleeping more or less than usual are other telltale signs, as are physical symptoms such as unexplained headaches and random stomach aches.
And like my son, kids don’t usually have the vocabulary to articulate their stress. Instead, they sometimes use broadly negative words like “confused,” “annoyed,” or “angry” to describe their feelings. Or they point the negativity outward. My son’s version was, “I hate everything!”
Kids are smarter than we think. Just like my son, who was worried about worst-case scenarios, kids latch onto the scariest possibilities when they don’t have enough information. So be forthright yet reassuring when discussing the news. Explain what is happening, while also emphasizing that you will do everything feasible to keep them safe.
Of course, what you say will vary depending on your situation. You might try something like: “Yes, there is a conflict happening far from here, and it’s serious. It’s valid to feel scared. But people are working to resolve it. And we will always do everything possible to protect you.”
To shift your child’s focus from fear to agency, brainstorm ways they can feel empowered to make a difference. That could mean donating money, writing a letter to a leader, or doing something kind for someone in their own community. My son ended up using money from his allowance to donate to UNICEF. It allowed him to learn more about the situation and feel more in control of the outcome.
Exercise reduces stress, even for little kids. Research shows that physical activity in children profoundly affects the systems associated with stress, immune response, and inflammation, which in turn promotes healthy growth. So get them away from screens and go for a walk. Have a dance party. Race around the block. Kick a soccer ball. It’s healthy, and it’s also a way to stay grounded in the present instead of ruminating about things they can’t control.
School-age children need 10 to 11 hours of sleep per night. Without enough rest, kids are much less resilient when faced with stress. If your kids aren’t getting enough sleep, try adding just a little more each night. Go to bed 10 minutes earlier for a few nights, then 10 more minutes, until you’re in a new routine that has kids getting the sleep they need.
Your people are feeling this. If you’re looking for meaningful ways to support your workforce through crisis, meQ can help. Our solutions give employees personalized support when they need it most, and give you the insight to understand where your organization is hurting. Talk to a meQ specialist to learn more.
